my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
