i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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