I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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