went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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