Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
