I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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