I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
