these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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