Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
