There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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