Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
