they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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