Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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