her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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