"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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