he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
