I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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