There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
