he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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