There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
