god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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