moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
