I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
