I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like, not good at living.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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