Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My life is pants optional.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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