we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
