I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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