I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
