Tell her she can't have a vagina
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
