it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
