She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
