I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
