forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
