It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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