I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
