I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
