You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
