I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
