yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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