I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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