That's when you crack a 10am beer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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