I love black thongs
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we're so committed to being not committed
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