I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
