WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
