I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
