genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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