dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Blood and glitter go together right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
