i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
