since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
