i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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