I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
