Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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