I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
