I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
