I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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