Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
