You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
