Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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