she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
