The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
