just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize