I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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