Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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