saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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