I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
