The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
